


you broke me first

by EnchantedbookLover18



Series: Fictober 2020 [2]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Day 2, Epic Friendship, F/M, Fictober 2020, Friendship, Gen, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Mental Health Issues, Prompt 24, Song fic, Suicidal Thoughts, Toxic Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26773048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantedbookLover18/pseuds/EnchantedbookLover18
Summary: After two years, Ellie gets a call that sends her memory down a traumatic road.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop & Nick Torres, Ellie Bishop/Delilah Fielding, Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres, Ellie Bishop/Qasim Naasir
Series: Fictober 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947187
Comments: 10
Kudos: 15





	you broke me first

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Please read the tags first for warnings!!
> 
> #Fictober Prompt 24: "are you kidding me?"  
> Song: you broke me first by Tate McRae

_You broke me first_

Ellie still remembered vividly how things ended between her and Nick. Nick, the college football star who was loved by everybody. Ellie used to be this shy, introvert bookworm who went to a cosy coffee shop across the street from her dorm room, to study or just hang out with the few friends she had. One day Nick and his friends walked in, and Ellie, who never cared much for guys since then, couldn’t help but stare at him. When out of a sudden he started talking to her of all people, she couldn’t believe it. Thinking back now, she wished she’d never agreed to go on a date with him.

Soon enough, they became the dream couple. At least that’s what all of their friends began to call them. Ellie, who’d never cared much for football or sports in general, went to almost all of his games. She sat on the tribune, dressed in their college’s signature colours orange and white, and cheered his team on. Until the last day. Although she loved the library and her quiet space at the coffee shop, they barely went there as a couple. It just wasn’t Nick’s ‘scene’, whatever that meant. At some point during their relationship, Ellie started cancelling meetings with her study group (she loved studying) and her friends, just to be with him. He said he didn’t want to hang out with her friends because they made him feel stupid and insecure. Mister Confident felt insecure. Ha. She should have seen through this charade. Nick managed to isolate Ellie from friends, and even worse from her own family. During these two years, Ellie only saw her parents and brothers two times; Nick didn’t ‘like nature and farm life’. And Ellie let it happen, she let her world rotate around Nick and his needs. In the process she lost herself, and her best friends Tim and Delilah.

The blonde sighed and opened the door to her apartment. The apartment she shared with Delilah who, thankfully, forgave her (along with Tim) that she’d basically ignored them for months. It had taken a while but Delilah and Tim were good friends after all, too good maybe. Ellie had done everything in her power to win them back, and she could never be more grateful for their forgiveness.

“Hey, D,” Ellie called out, “I’m home. You here?”

“Living room,” her roommate’s voice came muffled. Ellie’s brows furrowed. _What was she doing? Rearranging their furniture again for the hundredths time?_

“You won’t believe what happened today,” Ellie sat down on the couch with a plop. Delilah was, in fact, rearranging the books in their shelves. She once said decorating and rearranging stuff was her coping mechanism.

“You know I’m bad at guessing games,” the brown-haired woman turned around to look at her friend, eyes narrowed.

Ellie stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, the images that had started to flood her memory ever since this morning distracted her, even if she didn’t want to admit it. “Nick called,” she mumbled in hopes that Delilah wouldn’t hear it.

Unfortunately, she did hear it. “Wow, I don’t even know what to say,” Delilah said soberly. “How long has it been? Two years? That guy has nerves.”

“More or less. He said he misses ‘us’,” Ellie answered with dry sarcasm in her voice. “I don’t even know where he got my number. Didn’t ask though; hung up once I realized it was him.” She let out a humourless laughter. “He didn’t even say his name when I answered the phone, just started talking about how he missed me, and that he had been thinking a lot about what happened between us. I mean…who does he think he is? After almost two years, he thinks he can just call and I’ll come running back to him? He didn’t answer the phone for weeks after we ended things…after…”

“I know, hun,” Delilah sat down next to Ellie, shooting worried glances at her friend. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, both deep in their own thoughts.

_Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself  
But you shoulda told me  
That you were thinking 'bout someone else  
_ _You're drunk at a party  
Or maybe it's just that your car broke down_ _  
_ _Your phone's been off for a couple of months  
So you're calling me now_

Ellie’s mind went back to the last weeks before their relationship ended. She’d known that something was off. Usually, they went to every party together since they got together. Nick liked to show off, and surprisingly, he liked to show her off too. Ellie asked herself often enough why of all people he wanted to be with her, the introverted geek. She only knew why she liked him at first. He was good-looking, true, but he could be funny and charming if he wanted to. And she’d admired that.

Before they broke things off, he suddenly didn’t want her at these frat parties anymore. Of course, he managed to blame it at her, indirectly, claiming that she actually didn’t like these parties and he knew it fairly well. At first, Ellie let it slip. Nick wasn’t even wrong; she didn’t really have a thing for parties. But one day she overheard a girl in the ladies’ bathroom talk about how her boyfriend started to do exclude her on parties and group hangouts, she hadn’t even noticed at first but later found out that he’d been cheating on her. While Ellie didn’t, or couldn’t believe, that this was happening to her as well, she couldn’t help but pay more attention to Nick’s behaviour the next few weeks. One time his car broke down and he couldn’t meet her at her dorm room after all, even though they’d planned movie night for days. Later, by accident, she found out that he was at a party that night. One of his football buddies let it slip. They had a fight then, one of their bad ones; he screamed and shouted, and Ellie left in tears. A few days later, Nick came back to apologise. And she may not have believed him, but she let it go and took him back. He could be really sweet if he wanted to.

Ellie found out that he cheated on her when she followed him to a frat party he didn’t invite her to. She had been waiting for him to meet her at the diner that night; he didn’t even have the balls to cancel their date. One of their friends – well, she had considered them her friends too back then – called her, completely drunk, and rambled something about a girl and Nick. Nice friends they’d had there. Ellie could still remember how her nerves fluttered when she left the diner and drove to the party. She searched the whole house for Nick, her legs were shaking. Subconsciously, she already knew what she’d find when she walked up the stairs. She’d had a feeling. And as she opened the last door in the corridor – she heard unmistakable sounds from the room – she saw Nick, and a very naked, very active floosie. 

  
  
_I know you, you're like this  
When shit don't go your way you needed me to fix it  
And like me, I did_ _  
_ _But I ran out of every reason_

She just stood there in the doorway and stared at them. There was no yelling, she didn’t even cry. When Nick and the other girl finally noticed her, he didn’t react immediately, too much in shock. But as Ellie turned around and left, he started calling after her. _This isn’t what it looks like. Ellie, wait._ But Ellie went deaf, climbed in her old jeep and left.

There was silence between them for days. Nick didn’t even try to call her, or walked by her dorm room at first. Then, after a week the consolation gifts started to appear everywhere. Suddenly, Ellie got flowers, stuffed animals, gift cards and her favourite chocolate in the most inappropriate situations. In class, at the coffee shop. Once a flower deliveryman even showed up at the library. Then, another week later, Nick came back. He started apologising personally, in front of her classmates and professors. Again, in every way possible, although inappropriate. Ellie tried to stick to her guns.

Thinking back now, Ellie knew that their relationship was toxic from the very beginning. She’d lost most of her friends, she’d pushed away her family until there was no one left but Nick. Of course, it was her fault too. Alas, she was the one who let it happen, she let Nick manipulate her into believing that he was the only one she needed. Her self-confidence was barely existing, and it got worse once they became a couple. Although the attention he paid her and that she got by being the football star’s girlfriend gave her a push at first, in the end, she felt lonely and bad about herself.

The upshot was that Ellie took Nick back. After a few weeks of constantly receiving gifts and apologies she got weak and went back to him. Also, there was nowhere else she could’ve gone; her own fault. Unfortunately, only five weeks after their reconciliation, Nick cheated on her again. He’d probably been with the other girl before Ellie found out though.

Delilah and Tim, who only talked to Ellie sporadically at that time because she’d hurt them too much, found her, by chance, one day as she sat in her favourite spot in the library, crying her eyes out. Ellie must’ve looked really terrible, or else she still didn’t get why they forgave her after all. She still didn’t think she’d deserved it, although she was more than a little grateful for their friendship.

_Now suddenly you're asking for it back  
Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?  
Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had  
But I don't really care how bad it hurts  
When you broke me first  
You broke me first_

Suddenly, Ellie snapped out of her mumbling reflection when her phone rang. Unknown caller. “Hello, this is Ellie Bishop. Who is this?”

“Ellie. Please, don’t hang up. I need to tell you something,” a dark, masculine voice pleaded. A voice she’d recognise everywhere.

Delilah, who still sat next to her, raised an eyebrow in question.

“Nick,” Ellie replied calmly, at least on the outside. “I don’t want to talk to you. I think I’ve made that clear.”

“Please, Ellie,” Nick’s voice sounded muffled. Maybe he was drunk. “I miss you. And I want you back; we were perfect.”

“ **Are you kidding me?** ” She almost shouted. Then, after a few seconds and some deep breaths to calm down she said, “listen. I don’t know why you’re calling me after two damn years, okay, but I don’t really care.” The sound in her voice matched the stern expression on her face now. “I moved on. A long time ago. You should too.” And then she hung up.

A few minutes went by and only the clock in the living room made a sound. Then Delilah finally broke the silence, “you okay?”

Ellie let her head fall back against the backrest and groaned in exhaustion. “Yeah. I think so. I’m sorry though.”

“What for?” Delilah gave her a soft look, stood up and walked towards their kitchen to get two glasses of wine. “You didn’t do anything, did you?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know,” she groaned again. “He’s doing it again. He’s messing with my head. Everything was fine. I’m happy, you know. I love my job at the NSA, I have friends,” Ellie gave Delilah a grateful and fond smile at that, “and my family forgave me too. Everything’s good. Why does he have to ruin it?”

“Then don’t let him. Block his number, or let me block his number.” The other woman replied, handed a glass of wine to Ellie and sat back down again. “I can get Tim to ping Nick’s phone and…send him a _message_. He’ll find out how we think of his pathetic attempts to get you back.” The way Delilah emphasized ‘message’ made clear that she actually didn’t think of sending him a text message, rather one of the physical kind.

Ellie laughed, a genuine laughter. “Thanks. I appreciate the effort, D. You’re a good friend, and I clearly don’t deserve you.”

Delilah grinned and replied, “no, you don’t. But I love you too. Friends stick together.”

  
_Took a while, was in denial when I first heard  
That you moved on quicker than I could've ever  
You know that hurt  
_ _Swear, for a while I would stare at my phone  
Just to see your name_ _  
_ _But now that it's there, I don't really know what to say_

After a while, the brown-haired woman, who was an employee at the Department of Defense, started talking again. Slowly and softly as if she was afraid to reopen old sores. “I still remember the first weeks after you broke up with Nick. Well, the second time. I’m still sorry we weren’t there for you the first time you found out he cheated. It must’ve been awful.”

“I know. I’ve had these images in my head the whole day…ever since he called the first time.” Ellie gulped. “Thanks for helping me. If it wasn’t for you and Tim, I wouldn’t have done the therapy. I wouldn’t have been able to break free from him, you know. I wouldn’t have been able to see my own worth.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that, Ellie.”

“Oh, I think I do,” she smiled at her friend and patted her hand. “I was heartbroken. The first time I found out he betrayed me, but even more the second time because I’d let him get in, get to me again,” Ellie seemed deep in thought again while she spoke. “I still remember how I wouldn’t leave my bed for days, even weeks. How you came by every day to check up on me, brought me food and then, how you got me to go out again. And I remember how much it hurt to see him again the first time after we ended it, to see him with another woman only a few weeks afterwards.”

Delilah could see the pain these memories still caused Ellie. “I never told you this, but I waited for his call, secretly, for weeks. And it never came. When I saw him moving on, I-I thought of giving up…you know, on life.” Ellie’s last words were barely audible, she spoke so quietly, but Delilah still heard them and it almost broke her to see her friend like this.

“You saved my life, D. If you wouldn’t have made me go to see this therapist,…I don’t know what could’ve happened.” A tear escaped the blonde’s eyelids.

The other woman took her hand and squeezed. “I’m glad you stayed with us, El. We love you, you know. And Tim would say the same if he were here right now.”

The smile on Ellie’s face came slowly, and was still sad. “I know. And I survived. I had problems with my self-esteem and mental health before Nick, but our relationship definitely didn’t help the matter. But I’m a better version of me now. Thanks to you, and don’t deny it again.”

Both women shared a smile and sat there again in silence, in the living room of the apartment they shared for over a year now. Ellie was sure that Delilah would move out soon, even though the other woman didn’t know it yet. But Tim, who wasn’t only their best friend but also Delilah’s boyfriend of three years, planned something. And Ellie was beyond happy for her friends, even though she’d had to find a new roommate soon.

At some point, they turned on the tv and watched some random comedy show to distract themselves of this messed up day full of bad memories and old monsters from their past. Soon the day would be over, and tomorrow would surely be a better day.

_I know you, you're like this  
When shit don't go your way you needed me to fix it  
And like me, I did  
But I ran out of every reason  
  
Now suddenly you're asking for it back  
Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?  
Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had  
But I don't really care how bad it hurts  
When you broke me first  
You broke me first  
_  
_  
What did you think would happen?  
What did you think would happen?  
I'll never let you have it  
What did you think would happen?_

In the end, Ellie never got the answer to the question she’d asked herself and Nick on the phone. But she wasn’t really sad or angry at that. She didn’t need to know why he called her that day, two years after they broke up in college. She didn’t need to know that he’d lost all of his money due to a gambling addiction, or that his last girlfriend, the one he’d ironically actually loved, had cheated on him and expected twins of her lover. Ellie didn’t need to know that Nick had been drunk the whole day, sitting in a bar near campus, thinking of Ellie and his ex when he called her.

For Ellie, it was enough to know that she had survived the darker times in her life, she had survived mental health issues and a toxic relationship and come out of the crisis stronger than ever. She was worth to be loved by somebody who would cherish her and be kind and good to her. Ellie was worth everything she ever wished for. And maybe, she had a feeling that Qasim, the guy who started working in the same NSA department a few months ago as her, could be the one she was looking for.

_  
Now suddenly you're asking for it back  
Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?  
Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had  
But I don't really care how bad it hurts  
When you broke me first  
You broke me first (You broke me first)  
You broke me first, ooh oh_

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened here. You'll get fluff tomorrow, I promise.


End file.
